Some suggestions on how to deal with those demons screwing up e-mail transmissions:

HAND-BELLS: Get a hand-bell and ring it behind your back while sending your messages. Demons hate bells.

THE POWER THREAT: At the top of each message include a short paragraph directed at the demon(s). Tell them you've dined and shared wine with their master. Remind them of the sting of their master's wrath. Say no more.

THE DIRECT APPROACH: As in #2, but the message says that you are in the service of the Lord (insert Name here), who is VERY, VERY powerful, and who despises all that is evil, mischievous, and unclean, and the demon(s), being all three, is (are) HEREBY CAST DOWN INTO HELL in His (the Lord's) Name. (The demon(s) may laugh so hard as to be rendered temporarily ineffectual.)

THE BUY-OUT: Offer a salaried position to the demon who will improve your e-mail service. Advertise on the web. Say you are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

MISDIRECTION: Just after composing an e-mail message go out and drop a post-card to yourself in a mailbox. While the demons are busy screwing that up, race back to your computer and send the e-mail message off.

PAINFUL HUMOR: Sit at your computer saying things like this -
      Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a devil?
      A. Pachydermal Damnation! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Watch them slink away in disgust.

GUARANTEED TO WORK: Build a bonfire. Toss your computer in.


(c) Dr. Wes Browning
Poet at Work -- Watch Head!

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Thursday, 17-Jan-2002 11:16:20 EST