A Lyric Christmas Playlet in One Scene

Author: Wes Browning
Joseph (J.) (soon-to-be step-father of God) and his old lady Mary (M.), who is majorly preggers in every way, both in rags, approach a door. The words "Ye Last Chance Inn" appear above it. After a few knocks the Innkeeper (I.) appears and this conversation ensues.

J.: Innkeeper - please don't let us down -
We've tried every other inn in town!!
As you see my wife is miles around
And soon her Son'll drop to the ground!

I.: What, are you nuts? Haven't you yet been
Made aware that "there's no room at the inn"?

J.: But Sir, though, our taxes paid, now we are poor,
Couldn't you just let us crash `hind your door?

I.: I'd like to be kind but the rich folks have said
"Don't be lettin' no poor folks have a bed."
And the rich folks pay the bills - so it is -
You know we've got to look out after our biz.

M.: Oh - Ohhh - Ah - Ahhh - Oh - Ohhh - Ohhh - Ohhh!
Oh - Ohhh - Ah - Ahhh - Oh - Ohhh - Ohhh - Ohhh!

High-pitched Voice from Mary's Stomach:
Oh let me be born in a warm room Sir!
I won't even mind if it's only a manGER!

J.: Oh no! My wife Mary is about to give birth
to a most important Baby for all planet Earth!
I'll ask one more time, for whatever it's worth
Can you give me, her, and your God a berth?
Else we'll be homeless all the night long
And to do that to God would surely be wrong.

I.: You're "homeless"? Why didn't you say so before?
I had presumed you just disgustingly poor!
Our company policy says there are enough
Grounds for me to offer you free stuff.
So what'll it be: T-shirts, chips, fuzzy dice?
Travel mugs, baseball caps, boxes of instant rice?
Ash trays, fanny packs, hand-painted coasters?
No folks I'm sorry we don't carry toasters.
You want the chips? Here you go and from me
a couple of cigs.
Now both of you get jobs if you really
want good digs.

Offstage Voice:
And so it might have been if then were now.
They say times are better but I'm not sure how.


-Merry Christmas!-

Copyright Dr. Wes Browning