- Do You Love As Good As You Look?
- Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
- If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
- May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
- When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
- You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
- You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
- You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
- You Were Only A Splinter In My Ass As I Slid Down The
Bannister Of Life
- You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
- Big Balls in Cowtown
- "Well the dog died when Momma went to prison..."
- Steve Goodman
- I got an achin in my heart and arson on my mind .....
1) Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
2) Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
3) Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
4) Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
5) How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
6) How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A
Liar All My Life?
7) I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
8) I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
9) I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
10) I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
11) I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
(Note: 8 songs below,
should be sung in two part harmony!)
12) I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
13) I Wanna Whip Your Cow
14) I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
15) I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
16) I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
17) I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
18) I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
19) I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
20) I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare
21) If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
22) If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
23) If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
24) If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
25) If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
26) Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
27) My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
28) My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
29) My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was
30) My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
31) Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down,
Baby I Can See Through You
32) Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
33) She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
34) She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
35) She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
36) She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
37) Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
38) They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin'
39) Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
40) When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
41) You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
42) You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
43) You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
44) You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
45) You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
- "I Gave Her a Ring and She Gave Me the Finger"
- "I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom, When I Woke Up On Top of You"
- "Kiss the Meatloaf Off My lips"
- "There Ain't Enough Whiskey in Tennessee to Drink the Ugly Off of you."
- "If I had to do it all over again honey, I'd do it all over you"
- She Broke My Heart: I Broke Her Jaw
- I bought the Shoes That Walked out on Me
- Her Teeth Were Stained but Her Heart Was Pure (actual song from Lubbock
where too much natural fluoride in the water makes your teeth ugly)
Never Slap a Cowboy Chewing Tobacco