I wish to take this opportunity to try, once again, to expose the
insidious destructiveness of - MORNING.
This is NOT humorous, but whenever I try to point out the evils of
morning, my friends laugh. They think I am joking. Very well, I will
disguise my expose as a humorous article. But this laughter, friends, is
DENIAL. The world has been exposed to the effects of morning for so
long,
so repeatedly, that people have grown NUMB. They are no longer aware of
the corrosive pain being wreaked on their bodies and souls. But I, who
have minimized my exposure to morning in a lifetime of folk music,
poetry readings, and computer programming, am SENSITIVE, and I can FEEL
the agony of morning.
As one man I interviewed said, "If I saw 5AM on the sidewalk, I'd shoot
it."
This is only self-defense! (It won't save you from being arrested, but
it
may save you from being convicted. In any rational court.) Morning is
the leading cause of death on planet Earth. Think about it: whenever
anyone dies, it is morning SOMEWHERE. If you ignore MY statistics,
listen
to the AMA's: Most heart attacks occur among waking people between 9AM
and
10AM. And according the the AMA, the leading causes of death are old age,
and stress related diseases. What is old age? Too many mornings! And
what is stress? TOO MUCH MORNING!
There you are.
Morning is provably debilitating to the intellect. A group of scientists
woke a lot of rats up before noon and EVERY SINGLE ONE tested out with an
IQ below that of the average human!
There you are.
The corrupting effects of morning are incalculable. Among the convicts
in
all American prisons, EVERY SINGLE ONE got up before noon at least ONCE
in
life!
There you are.
Even the Bible has been corrupted. The root of all evil was not "money"
--
it was "morning". One day a scribe got up too early and blotted his
copybook. Think about it: which would make you feel evilest: a million
dollars, or an alarm clock that goes off at 4:30 EVERY morning?
There you are.
We could have peace on earth if everyone slept until noon. A world full
of mellow people ambling around in sunglasses, blowing sax riffs and
asking "How's it hanging man?". Think about it: can you imagine a bunch
of folk musicians launching a Gulf War?
There you are.
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Thursday, 17-Jan-2002 07:35:33 EST
